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Wet Dream.

It's not what it seems. IN FACT, it's even weirder than that. I had a dream last night that involved me lactating. What does that mean?

Any thoughts?
When I was a teenager I was obsessed with the number 27. All my favorite rock stars died at 27: Joplin. Hendrix. Cobain. Morrison. Jim Fucking Morrison. For lack of a better word, the man was my hero for years. I couldn't help be enamored with the age 27. Look at what these people accomplished by the time they were 27. I turn 27 in 5 days and I may not be a rock star or a genius but I have somehow accomplished enough in the past two years that it makes my life seem pretty distinguished. I remember thinking that 25 would be hard to top but when I look back at 26 I am astonished. Married. Kids. Job. Apartment. It all makes my head spin. What does 27 hold? I hope to drop a good chunk of the weight that I put on with the stress of 26. I hope to find a career that has a pension and a retirement. I hope to find some stability that was lacking in 26. Lottery winner? It could happen :)

I am in the process of writing a detailed message about the Charlotte's birth. It was the most intense day of my life. I want to do the story justice and get it down on paper so as to never forget. Now that things are beginning to slow down a bit and I have my computer up and running at the apartment I am going to try and update a little more often than once a month. I miss sharing the minutia of my life with whoever ends up reading this.

God, I feel old.

Strange Things Are Happenin' to Me...

And it isn't just the fact that I am quoting my sworn enemy, Randy Newman.
I moved out yesterday. Officially. I haven't really been to my parent's house that much recently as it were but I was never willing to say that I was "living" at Katie's mom's house. I just figured I was on an extended vacation in my car with stop-offs to visit my wife. It was a mental thing.
The place is incredible. The cost is a bit more than we were budgeted for but we decided to do without some of life's niceties in order to be a place that feels like a house instead of an apartment complex. I provided the living room and Katie and Jonathan provided bed rooms. It worked out really well. I will be bringing my electronics over in the couple days and we will hopefully get internet up and running. By then we may have a little bundle of stink to bring to our very own home. We have somehow made it by the skin of our teeth.

I am married. I am expecting a child. I have another one. I have moved out. I have been working (way more than) full time. I am providing insurance for my family. I have sick days and vacation days. It is almost like I am an adult. If nothing else, I play one on TV.



Today is my first Father's Day...sort of. It depends how you define "father" I suppose. We decided to celebrate it last night in or new place. Jonathan made me a very cool "DAD" keychain that I will let dangle on my rearview mirror. Katie bought me some practical stuff for the house and my car. It was really nice. No ties...odd. Maybe I'm not a dad afterall :) As Jonathan left to go to bed I said, "Goodnight Kiddo" and he said, "Goodnight Dad" and it just felt so right. I think this will be a great change for him. He has had such a hard year. We want to provide him with a sense of calm and security.

I never suspected that Father's Day would come and go without little Charlotte being involved. We didn't think we would make it to 8 weeks let alone go full term. As of Tuesday we will have made it 40 weeks. Our doctor is out of town and won't even talk about inducing labor until after he is back. That means we will be OVERdue. I never would have suspected. Its wonderful to know that we won't have a tiny little preemie. Katie is starting to struggle and I wish I could help her but it is very much an internal struggle. The fight she has in her really amazes me.

Enough rambling. Its time for work.
Katie & I were married by a Mormon Bishop. He made it perfectly clear that the fact that we weren't Mormon and weren't married in the temple meant we would only spend our mortal lives together. No life after death for our love. A pity, really.

I've been thinking a lot about my mortality lately. Maybe it is due to this very real realization that my love won't carry into the afterlife because I don't hold the words of Joseph Smith in my heart. Or maybe it is because I know that I will never reach the Celestial Kingdom to rule over a planet with my wives and will therefore forever doom Katie in Outer Darkness because she cannot ascend higher than her husband.


Having a child has really given me a lot to think about. As it gets closer and closer I begin having different thoughts and worries and concerns. Will I make a good dad? Will I do what's right? What if I break her? What if she breaks me?

I have recently started to realize that I only have one go around in this life. Obvious? Yes. I have never felt invincible. I have always known I was fallible and breakable and mortal. I was never the person that thought I knew it all and couldn't be stopped. With that said, as I've gotten older I have started realizing that I know even less than I thought I did. In fact, i would say that I know nothing. The same can be said for mortality: I may have known I was flesh and blood but now I am beginning to realize that I am flesh and blood that can easily be maimed and poked. Its a very vulnerable place to be.

My decisions don't just impact me. Real life is a scary thing.

and they lived happily every after...

It's the end of an era, folks. I am now married...with child(ren). Yikes. When I say it that way it almost frightens me.

I spent the day being asked, "are you scared" but I didn't quite understand what that was supposed to me. Hell, I still don't understand.
Worried? I guess. So much could go wrong.
Nervous? Maybe. But only about being the center of attention.
Anxious? Sure. What if I swallowed the ring?
...but I was, at no point, "scared" of my impending nuptials.

We wanted to get married before baby. It was certainly on our list of things to do but there has been so much chaos and uncertainty that it just seemed like an inevitability that was always in the distance. When Katie's father came to town we decided to just go for it since we weren't sure when he would be back. We got the license on Thursday and were half tempted to just get married at city hall. It would have been nice and easy. We stayed strong and waited until Monday. The service was performed by Katie's cousin's husband who is a Bishop in the mormon church (creepy, I know) and we were initially going to have it IN the church. Thankfully we were told that we weren't welcome because we were outsiders and Katie's family isn't in good standing (THANK GOODNESS). We ended up at a park. There was a playground in the background and a street to the side of us. As we set up a black family laid a blanket down and had a picnic. There was something very odd about sharing such an occasion with strangers but we just carried on. Our parents and siblings were there to share the occasion with us. It was very nice and small. As we exchanged "I Do"s and rings we finished with a kiss. Boy, oh boy, did the black family on the blanket hoot and holler. "I just love weddings", said one of the little boys as he ate his dinner.

Jonathan instantly started calling me "dad". He said that it is great because we are so much alike, "We both love video games and frozen yogurt and watching TV. We are both scared of the dark and run fast" he said with a giant smile on his face. I didn't want to break it to him that I don't run fast and I am fond of the dark.

We set the cake on Katie's mother's walker and it was a sight to behold. No cake tastes quite as good as "walker cake". The kid's played on the playground and Katie & I took a picture with a big, cement seal. I couldn't imagine a more awesome wedding photo.

All in all it was a very nice ceremony. Short, sweet and quiet. We plan to have a bigger celebration in November and you will all be invited. I hope there aren't any hurt feelings about the first ceremony. We just don't have it in us right now to do anything big. We'll do it up in November. Save the date, folks!

Ye Olde Journal is Six.

I went to the Renaissance Faire with Ashly, Bonnie, Audrey and Jonathan yesterday. The smell of horsepoop was a lot less pronounced this time around. I suspect the cool weather had something to do with it; poop in the heat wafts through the air very well. The kids shot crossbows, ate french fries and threw tomatoes at a man in a stock who proceeded to call Jonathan a girlie-man. I think they had a wonderful time.
Last time we went to the Faire there was very little testosterone involved as I went with three wenches. This time I had to think back to what my grandfather once told me about taking a boy to a war. His advice was very appropriate: "Give a boy sword and get whacked all day, take a boy's sword away and get whacked even harder when he gets it back."

Jonathan: "Can I get a sword?"
Jon: "No, not today"
Jonathan: "Can I get a knife?"
Jon: "No, you can't get a knife, either?"
Jonathan: "Can I get a really small knife?"
Jon: "We aren't going to get any sharp, stabby things today"
Jonathan: "No, I mean like a really, really small knife"
Jon: "Sigh"

I dropped the boy off and went back to my parent's house and ordered a pizza. My medieval diet of english toffee and pulled pork ensured that I was off my diet for a day so I wanted to do it up. I got a spinach alfredo pizza from Papa Johns and it was out of this world. MMMMMMMMM. In fact, it was so good that I will go with MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM. Yes, yes, some of you might say, "Jon, alfredo sauce is white and you don't like creamy, white substances. This does not compute." To those people I will just say to stop talking like a robot and cut me some slack.

Last week we celebrated my journal's 6th birthday. There were balloons and a clown and a pinata and a cake shaped like a large, curvy penis. It was wonderful. If my journal was a child it would be going into first grade and really honing its reading skills and probably getting most of its urine in the toilet bowl and not on the seat.

I can't believe some of you have been reading this for 6 years.

Thank you, I'm sorry.
The Management


This is definitely something Chris would love. Since I have not spoken to him in 16 months we will just have to assume he has already seen it...

Variations on Fresh

I don't care for the Fresh Prince of Bel Air. I can't stand Will Smith. I loathe rap music. Yet, when I was recently made aware of a Canadian Singer/Songwriter who covered the theme song it somehow made it worse. That got me to thinking about the version of the theme song that I grew to love while watching a local UHF feed of the show, 'Willy Il Principe di Bel-Air". This, of course, the Itialian version. I have decided to let you choose for yourself, which is the freshest of the Fresh Prince themes:

ORIGINAL (extended cut)

Canadian Singer/Songwriter

In Italian


Richter's Return

Andy Richter will be returning from the dead to co-host the Tonight Show with Conan O'brien.  Any concerns I had about the move has been erased.  I must go to the first show.  Who wants in?